I didn’t play with dolls much as a kid. I liked being outside, the dirtier the better. If I wasn’t hoping on my horse John pretending to be Laura Ingalls then I was in the middle of a dirt pile playing with trucks, or pretending to be cowboys or indians. I rode my bike and played in the creek. I owned a barbie and I think at my mothers house my one doll that I actually ever played with is still in existence; however, her hair, well I was never going to be a stylist.
I did the normal stuff through school; dated, dances, movies, ballgames, etc. I had lots of friends both girls and boys. I had dreams of the wedding, the house with the picket fence etc. Only I never remember wanting to “have” kids, I mean I’d have kids but I knew that I wouldn’t actually “have”them. Sex scared the crap out of me. Intimacy scared me. By the time I was out of high school a few years I had realized that I wasn’t ever going to be the girl that got married and had the american dream; the house the kids, the dogs, the cars, the vacations; the man. I had decided that I would be happy to live my life alone.
Then something happened, I met a woman. WHAT?! Never on my radar. Not something, really, truly, that I had ever expected or contemplated for that sake. When she touched my hand my insides quivered. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
We began dating, I guess that’s what we did. The more I was around her the more I knew that this was the person I was supposed to be with. This is why I’m not comfortable with men. I’m a Lesbian! WOW that was crazy. 28 years had passed since I took my first breath and yet my lungs had never felt so full. My heart had never beat so fast. My smile never shined so far. I was actually in love and it was amazing.
For some reason I wasn’t scared of my new realization about myself. I wasn’t really worried about what people would think. However, I didn’t shout it from the roof tops either. I just kind’a started doing my thing no different then I would with any other person I had dated. I started bringing her to dinners and gatherings. Never introduced as my girlfriend, but I didn’t introduce boyfriends as boyfriends either. I started going to her family functions as well. We never said anything about us, being in a relationship, we let others decide that on their own.
We moved in together about eight months later and I started going to to church with her. I had never been a GOD person and I had no understanding at all why she would want to go to a place where once they find out who you are they won’t like you. So, in true Kim form, I wrote a letter to the pastor. Explaining that we are in fact a lesbian couple, living together and if that wasn’t going to to be okay then I couldn’t continue to come to this Church. I never got a response, so the next time I was at Church, I confronted the pastor. She was wonderful, pulled me into her office and told me her feelings on gay issues and that I should feel very welcomed there, at her Church Creator Lutheran.
So we went. We sat in the same place, left back corner, by the side door for easy escape. Never needed the escape. Years went by and we continued to go, however not getting real involved but loving it. Then this discussion starts up about RIC (Reconciling in Christ), about being openly welcoming to Gays and the like.
Okay for the first time I was scared. OUT OF MY MIND!!!! Here we are two lesbians who have been going to this church for several years now, like almost ten by then. Now you’re going to start talking about being accepting of GAYS???? WTF? At first I was really against the whole thing. Let’s just keep things going they way they are, seriously. We went to meetings… I remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting in a circle in the sanctuary having a discussion about whether or not we want to be a congregation who wants to be openly accepting. A man saying that he didn’t know any gay people… I could feel Samantha tense because she knew what I was going to do. I was going to out us, in church.
I waited patiently for him to finish talking. I felt this little kid in me just waiting to come out with a neenner neener neener, you know gay people and you didn’t even know it, chant… Instead I simply said, “You actually do know gay people. Samantha and I are gay.” I didn’t look at him after I said it, I wasn’t saying it to be a complete jerk, I said it because all this time he didn’t know. This was someone that I actually talked to quit a bit, how did he not know???
The year of conversations about RIC finally ended and it was time to vote. It was frightening to get up and go to Church that day. Have you ever been voted on? Have you ever had a big group of people put your life in their hands and vote, on you? Now, I know it’s bigger than just Samantha and I, but it doesn’t feel that way. There was so much activity, honestly, it could have been the same amount as any other vote, but it was a lot. The ballots were passed and people started filling them out. The president of the council was trying to get people to pay attention so that we could talk about it before the vote but the congregation was having none of it. They just wanted to vote and get it counted. So they did and Creator Lutheran Church in Clackamas, Oregon would now be and RIC congregation. They voted on us and we won. THANK YOU GOD.
Jump ahead a few years and now here we go again. Our Washington State Legislature voted and approved the right to marry in Washington State. On that day Samantha and I, knowing full well that in the end this would be put on the ballot, and once again, We would be Voted on. So we decided right then, we are getting married and we are getting married in our church so with a post on Facebook it was on.
We married in our Church on October 6, 2012. It was the most amazing day. Even with all the heart ache and break, from family mostly, for Christian reasons. It hurts to write that. It actually makes me cry, but it’s true. You can not fully measure the pain that is caused when family is hateful towards your relationship and when they use God as the reason. WOW does it sting like no other type of sting. When they don’t show up for you because of who you love. WOW. When they try and equate it to a hypothetical of my not being supportive of them if they were to run for an elected position with the platform of no gay marriage. Are you kidding? It hurts. It hurts when you go to another wedding and most of the people who wouldn’t support you at your own wedding are there and they look at you with that smirk that says, see if you would have married a man…
We aren’t equal we aren’t even on the same ladder.
So after a day that will always stand out in my mind as the best day of my life, filled with so much Joy, Love and GOD. We went home and waited for the State of Washington to vote on us. Will we really get to have a legally recognized marriage? YES, YES we will and yes, yes we did. On December 9, 2012 Samantha and I once again pledged a love forever with our Pastor and with the blessing of our Lord and Savior.
Jump again to June of 2013 with the repeal of DOMA and everything is just moving as it should for Human Rights.
Now here we are the end of January 2014 and the State across the river, Oregon, will be voting on Equal Rights to Marriage in November. They need help from all kinds to get the word out. They need people, communities, leaders, you and maybe most importantly they need support from Churches.
You see religion has a bad wrap on social justice issues. Churches are seen as places to keep hate alive. How can this be okay? I get that it’s easier to stand silent with your conviction, but how can you stand by as a group of people who believe in God, in Jesus and not stand up for him? How can you allow others to make people believe that Jesus doesn’t love them, that Churches won’t accept them? I don’t understand this? I can’t make it make sense. You don’t want to get political? Then shut your doors. The churches that are political that are stepping out spewing hate, you’re no better than them. If you don’t stand against it, you stand for it. When you allow yourself to be aligned with Religious organizations that say no, you too are saying no. And by not standing up and saying something different, you are telling every Gay person out there that really, you’re just like the rest and can’t really be trusted. Jesus stood up, he stood up all the time. He didn’t care that he would be seen as political. He stood up because it’s wrong not to. It’s wrong to stand by quietly and watch in horror as other Churches degrade humans because of LOVE. IT’S WRONG.
It’s time to stand up to injustice. As a Church, as a Congregation ,as a People; who believe that the lessons taught were lessons of LOVE not HATE. So stand up for that. Put your name on LOVE!
Don’t be afraid of being “political” the only reason it’s political is because someone told you I’m not as human as you and you believed them.
I guess ask yourself honestly... What Would Jesus Do?
I'm going to continue to live my life. Care for my wife and our friend Tara (who experiences Autism). I'll continue to have the kids from the neighborhood run through my house on the way the freezer for a freezer pop. I'll continue to go on vacations and care for my dogs. I have the house and in Washington I have the dream!!! My childhood dream came true. I wish for everyone to have that great experience, without the hate and the votes. We need to just get this done! We need for Churches who believe we are equal to step forward and say so. We NEED IT.
