December 31, 2012
What a year it has been. A year of firsts. Firsts for my family, first for Samantha and I, firsts for our state, firsts for many. We rung in the New Year missing one of the most influential people in my life, it was the first beginning without my dad. Many firsts for my mom. First nights alone, then nights here and finally nights in her new home. I have great confidence that Robin (my dad) is smiling on all the successes of my mothers first year without him. There is great sadness but with faith we all have felt great Joy!
In February the State legislature voted to allow same sex couples the right to marry. WOWOOWWOOOWWW. What else can be said?! Of course our excitement was tempered by signature gatherers to place a referendum on the ballot. Samantha and I decided we would run with what we had been given. We decided that evening to Marry, in our church, we were afraid that if the referendum failed that the wind would surely leave our sails. So with a gentle push we chose October 6th to commit ourselves to one another in the eyes of God and in front of those who matter most. God's eyes surely did shine upon us. Everything was perfect for our special day, from the weather to my unexpected (by me), expected (by everyone else) tears of pure Joy. I had no idea a person could feel so much Love. It was the greatest day of my life and one I will cherish through my last breath. On November 6 the people voted. We rejoiced as the numbers to approve out numbered those who would choose for us to never realize the sanctity of marriage. December 6, Samantha and I stood in line to be the 10th marriage license in Clark Co. We were nervous there would be protests and because of that our good friend Chuck chaperoned us. There were NO protests at any licensing office in Washington State that day. The people spoke and peace was recognized. On Dec 9 Pastor Dayle made the journey across the bridge and joined us legally. Amazing.
There were trips and visits with friends. There were ups and downs but all in all 2012 was an exceptional year for me personally.
The tragedies that unfolded in our world are beyond mind blowing. With the tragedies it seems there is always a rebirth of human kindness and a willingness to try and be better. I hope that our memories keep the thoughts in our hearts at the forefront in 2013. There is much to be learned by the tragic decisions some people made. (I don't consider myself a violent person or a gun advocating individual but I do worry that taking guns from the hands of law abiding citizens will not have an affect on those who have no fear of said laws.) One thing I have learned from the tragedies is that we are a people of sensationalism fed by media with no care for our well being. I remember when I was a kid reading older papers from my grandparents youth. When the story in the local paper actually said that "Billy went to his aunts for the weekend" really, this is the news I want to know. I want to know the stories of happiness, success, love, joy, but apparently that doesn't sell papers anymore. We have turned into gawkers of the accidents of life. We feel better about ourselves not because of the good we did but instead because we are better than those poor schmucks on the tube, whether its the news, reality tv or Jerry Springer. We are a nation that feels it's okay to put a young kid and her "hillbilly" family on TV allowing them to think they are stars while all the while they are being made fun of by their "fans".
It disgusts me and I am done with it.
SO here's my Resolve for 2013. I am turning off the News, the reality shows and anything that promotes fear, bad behavior and sensationalism. The Mayans predicted a change; I intend to change.
I intend to be the person my dog believes I am.
I'm ready 2013!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
PRIDE
Pride: When you hear this word what do you think of? A feeling of happiness in a job well done? A group of Lions? A Parade? Conceit? Do you see a person with a puffed up chest walking by thinking they are better? Do you see a child kicking a ball into a goal for the first time? Do you see flamboyance and acting out? Is Pride a good thing or a bad thing? All questions I find interesting. We are told throughout our childhood that we should have pride in ourselves and our possessions. It seems though that when you really look at pride it doesn't seem as though it's something to necessarily be proud of. Reading versus from the Bible leads you to believe that it is boastful and something to be brought down from. That thinking highly of oneself is not a quality to that should be strived for. Hummm, so how do we reconcile this? How can we have pride in ourselves without being boastful or conceited or can we? I think that the verses from the Bible about pride that I enjoy the most comes from Romans Chapter 12. Paul makes an appeal to us on how to live as a Christian and follow Jesus. He asks us to "present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God-- what is good and acceptable and perfect." It seems to me that Paul is asking us to not only give ourselves freely to God and to live as he would have us live, but also to realize that falling in line with others and going with the crowd is not always the way to follow him. That we must continually be transformed by renewing our minds to discern what is the will of God, or that we must continually move forward with our thinking and acceptance to be in the hand of God.
Paul goes on to say, "For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members one of another. We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; ministry, in ministering; the teacher, in teaching; the exhorter, in exhortation; the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence; the compassionate, in cheerfulness. So here is where pride comes in; "not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned" So again to think highly of yourself or to put yourself on a pedestal seems to be looked down upon. We are to remember that we are just one cell of the being of God and that we all have an important function. To fight amongst each other or to say that my purpose is greater than yours creates a cancer in the body. I make up a small portion and so do you. Our dealings with one another determines our effectiveness, we may not have the same vision but we must have love for one another, we must have acceptance, we must have pride in one another. To be proud of you I am able to shine in my duties so that maybe you or another may be proud of me.
Well that was a long way to get to the point here. When I think of Pride I have a vision of a boastful man with his chest pumped out and beams of light surrounding him and my feelings towards that vision are not complimentary.
On the other side I also think "Parade" I think of a whole group of Prideful cells getting together. With overdone hair, flamboyant gestures and all that is gaudy. I think of men dressed in drag, dykes on bikes and public displays of affection. I think in your face and I hear in my head "we're here, we're queer, get used to it!" Last year, I with members of my church, friends and my partner, for the first time walked in the PRIDE PARADE. I was nervous to be a part of the above mentioned "Parade" because what I had seen or heard of the "Parade" brought the visions I expressed above. I had been a spectator at the "Parade" a couple of times and Saw and Heard it all. Here's the funny thing though. I went to the Pride Parade with Pride which in turn means with Judgment. I went thinking I was better than those GAYS, I'm not in your face, flamboyant or a dyke with a bike. I don't need to put myself out there like that to be who I am. And as I sat on the curb watching all the "Gays" go by I saw what I expected to see, my eyes were open but they were very closed as well. I was not renewing my mind to discern the will of God. It wasn't until I walked with this Prideful group, it wasn't until I really looked into the faces of the spectators and participants, it wasn't until I felt love and non judgement that I opened my mind to renewing. I saw things and grew to understand that these are not things to be afraid of or to have judgment over. That the Pride on the streets isn't a pedestal that these beautiful people put themselves on individually. Instead Pride is about the organism as a whole each individual cell coming together showing that Love and Acceptance is Gods Will. Its children smiling, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, friends, acquaintances and strangers together for one purpose. It was an amazing experience to be part of that purpose last year. To walk and look at the crowd instead of being part of the crowd. To invite people to join us. To look into the eyes of a people so misunderstood and see nothing but acceptance for us. Now remember I am walking with my church. Christians on the whole have not been, well, nice. Yet, we were accepted, just the way we were. I didn't have a shirt on that said hey not only am I part of Creator Lutheran, I'm also Gay. No one knew for sure or not if I was or wasn't and yet I saw acceptance. I heard "Thank You!" I hope that I have grown over the last year, I think I have. It's easy to forget or maybe hard to remember, that we have a tendency to see what we want to see instead of what is actually there. With our own Pride we bring judgment and with judgment we bring cancer to the body of God. Remember what Paul said? We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; ministry, in ministering; the teacher, in teaching; the exhorter, in exhortation; the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence; the compassionate, in cheerfulness. My gift, your gift, their gift; it's something to think about. Start thinking about the gifts those whom you feel you have Pride over bring to God and change from Pride in yourself to Pride in others. It's an amazing change.
We will be walking once again with our Creator Lutheran Church June 17, join us. Renew your mind and discern the will of God!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Where does the time go
March FIRST… Goodness where does the time go. Last week I was in Maui, with 80 degree days, ocean, swimsuit, snorkeling with turtles and watching Humpback Whales. Today, there's about 1.5 inches of snow on the ground. Schools delayed 2.5 hours, my legs are not wanting to move for me today and tonight is a night I've been waiting for since December.
Tonight I was going to be taking Dalton to the Miami game, a gift for his birthday in December.
Dalton turned eleven, ELEVEN. That means we've been in our house eleven years. We have been friends with the Nielsens for eleven years. I have put all three of the kids on the bus through their grade school years. Gosh, it seems kind of crazy how time flies.
Speaking of time flying by. Twelve years ago today was the first official day of Tara living with us. Even though she had been with us on and off since the beginning of February my contract started March 1, 2000. Goodness, to look back… it's hard to remember how different things were for Miss. Tara. When going to Day Break Park on a daily basis was required. When going to Red Robin would result in food all over her hair due to her fear of balloons. When throwing her shoes, screaming, pinching and hitting herself were almost daily occurrences. WOW, it's been a great twelve years. I recall our first Trip together. We road tripped over to Glacier National Park over Memorial Day weekend. Poor kiddo, she didn't know us very well yet. We stayed in a Yurt I don't think she slept. I awoke in the morning needing a quick run to the restroom. So jumped out of bed, run out the door and start the car to drive to the restroom… HEY it was COLD.
I get back and Samantha tells me… "Tara jumped off the top bunk, ran to the door and said; "HEEEYYYY???!!". I told her I was still here and that you just went to the bathroom, Tara turned around and went back to bed without missing a beat."
Back then MM's were her favorite thing. We decided to take he Going to the Sun Road, which had just opened for the season the day prior. It's a beautiful drive through the National Park. We hiked a little, took lots of photos and stopped at the lodge for some great bread. We decided to drive the long way back and ended up going through to get our photo in ALBERTA just so we could say we did it. Picked up some stray dogs on the hwy going through the indian reservation. (realized they are all stray dogs, that belong to someone… so took them to the area we found them) Helped some folks with their broken down car. Finally as dark was coming down and Tara had really had enough the search was on. We NEEDED MM's. How do you explain to a human with Autism that the stores don't seem to be open and that the only store that was didn't have MM's. As we are driving towards our yurt in the middle of nowhere Montana, Tara is working very hard to get it together and she blurts out "its a BEAutiFUL NIGHT" words we kept saying because, well it WAS. She was saying it in a way to maybe warn us that our beautiful night was just about over. I'm not sure how we made it out of that one but somehow we did. Needless to say we always made sure we had a back up package from then on out.
Today Tara doesn't need to have MM's to make her life better. She doesn't require a daily drive to Day Break Park and she doesn't have daily melt downs. She has grown and is still growing. She is a mold breaker when it comes to what people think of when they think Autism. Of course this isn't to say that her Autism doesn't affect her in a negative way, but it is to say it's less and less all the time. She has found ways to let us know before she really blows to let us know, however subtle if you listen she gives you all the info you need to help her through. She is NOT captive by scheduling. She is more than capable of living in the moment. She knows that a change in plans usually means that the new plan is going to be so much better than what was planned.
Tara is an advocate for herself and people like her. She understands what it means when meeting with legislators not only on a local level but also a National one. She loves church and the people at church. Her favorite part of church is sharing the peace. Saying hello to everyone and shaking their hands. Her smile so big. She loves to be a greeter at the church doors, even when it's not her week.
We travel a lot. Tara loves to go in the Van. She loves to sit in the farthest seat back. Whenever we start to pack our bags she gets so excited about the adventure we are going to be going on. She is a trooper and understands my need to leave by 4am when heading out of Disneyland. She loves going to National Parks as much as Samantha and I do and quite possibly she may love cruising the ocean blue more than we do. Her favorite vacation is Disneyland. It's like a home away from home for her. She knows it like the back of her hand. She loves taking people she cares about to Disneyland. It's like she gets a kick out of seeing people go on rides and if you get wet on a ride, she is HAPPY!
Yep twelve years today. Twelve years of learning. Twelve years of growing. Twelve years of FUN. For a gal who said in high school that her dream job would be to live with a person with Autism it has been literally a dream come true. Tara has given me so much more than I can ever hope to give her. I think we make a good team. I love her dearly.
Tonight I was going to be taking Dalton to the Miami game, a gift for his birthday in December.
Dalton turned eleven, ELEVEN. That means we've been in our house eleven years. We have been friends with the Nielsens for eleven years. I have put all three of the kids on the bus through their grade school years. Gosh, it seems kind of crazy how time flies.
Speaking of time flying by. Twelve years ago today was the first official day of Tara living with us. Even though she had been with us on and off since the beginning of February my contract started March 1, 2000. Goodness, to look back… it's hard to remember how different things were for Miss. Tara. When going to Day Break Park on a daily basis was required. When going to Red Robin would result in food all over her hair due to her fear of balloons. When throwing her shoes, screaming, pinching and hitting herself were almost daily occurrences. WOW, it's been a great twelve years. I recall our first Trip together. We road tripped over to Glacier National Park over Memorial Day weekend. Poor kiddo, she didn't know us very well yet. We stayed in a Yurt I don't think she slept. I awoke in the morning needing a quick run to the restroom. So jumped out of bed, run out the door and start the car to drive to the restroom… HEY it was COLD.
I get back and Samantha tells me… "Tara jumped off the top bunk, ran to the door and said; "HEEEYYYY???!!". I told her I was still here and that you just went to the bathroom, Tara turned around and went back to bed without missing a beat."
Back then MM's were her favorite thing. We decided to take he Going to the Sun Road, which had just opened for the season the day prior. It's a beautiful drive through the National Park. We hiked a little, took lots of photos and stopped at the lodge for some great bread. We decided to drive the long way back and ended up going through to get our photo in ALBERTA just so we could say we did it. Picked up some stray dogs on the hwy going through the indian reservation. (realized they are all stray dogs, that belong to someone… so took them to the area we found them) Helped some folks with their broken down car. Finally as dark was coming down and Tara had really had enough the search was on. We NEEDED MM's. How do you explain to a human with Autism that the stores don't seem to be open and that the only store that was didn't have MM's. As we are driving towards our yurt in the middle of nowhere Montana, Tara is working very hard to get it together and she blurts out "its a BEAutiFUL NIGHT" words we kept saying because, well it WAS. She was saying it in a way to maybe warn us that our beautiful night was just about over. I'm not sure how we made it out of that one but somehow we did. Needless to say we always made sure we had a back up package from then on out.
Today Tara doesn't need to have MM's to make her life better. She doesn't require a daily drive to Day Break Park and she doesn't have daily melt downs. She has grown and is still growing. She is a mold breaker when it comes to what people think of when they think Autism. Of course this isn't to say that her Autism doesn't affect her in a negative way, but it is to say it's less and less all the time. She has found ways to let us know before she really blows to let us know, however subtle if you listen she gives you all the info you need to help her through. She is NOT captive by scheduling. She is more than capable of living in the moment. She knows that a change in plans usually means that the new plan is going to be so much better than what was planned.
Tara is an advocate for herself and people like her. She understands what it means when meeting with legislators not only on a local level but also a National one. She loves church and the people at church. Her favorite part of church is sharing the peace. Saying hello to everyone and shaking their hands. Her smile so big. She loves to be a greeter at the church doors, even when it's not her week.
We travel a lot. Tara loves to go in the Van. She loves to sit in the farthest seat back. Whenever we start to pack our bags she gets so excited about the adventure we are going to be going on. She is a trooper and understands my need to leave by 4am when heading out of Disneyland. She loves going to National Parks as much as Samantha and I do and quite possibly she may love cruising the ocean blue more than we do. Her favorite vacation is Disneyland. It's like a home away from home for her. She knows it like the back of her hand. She loves taking people she cares about to Disneyland. It's like she gets a kick out of seeing people go on rides and if you get wet on a ride, she is HAPPY!
Yep twelve years today. Twelve years of learning. Twelve years of growing. Twelve years of FUN. For a gal who said in high school that her dream job would be to live with a person with Autism it has been literally a dream come true. Tara has given me so much more than I can ever hope to give her. I think we make a good team. I love her dearly.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
My Dads Shirt
December 16 2011 the day my father passed away in his chair, in his home, just the way he wanted it. A stubborn man, maybe the most stubborn man I've ever had the joy and pleasure of knowing. Since that day I have had a multitude of emotion. Oddly I think the biggest emotion is one of thankfulness. Thankfulness that he was my dad. Thankfulness for the time we had. Thankfulness for the lessons learned and taught. Mostly though thankful for the way he left this world. He had been sick for several years but the last six months or so was really excruciating for him and us. He worked every day, even until his last week. He was full of water and could hardly walk from his chair to the restroom, but somehow, he managed to walk up a flight of stairs to get to his office. He was amazing and I, being a respiratory therapist in my past, was surprised every day he made it home. He was not a man who would have done well with anyone taking "care" of him. I was terrified of the day when we'd have to tell him, "your done driving". It was a blessing that he passed the exact way he would have designed it. Perfect.
So here we are just over two months later. Today was the first time since Christmas that I went to my parents house. As I turned the corner, I felt the tears start to form. The thought of walking in and not seeing him in his chair has been more than I could manage.
I let myself in at 6:30am and walked passed his spot. The spot where his chair used to sit. The spot where he sat for years and watched sports and hunting shows. The spot he took his last breath. I hurried to the back of the house where my mother was still in bed. We chatted for a while and then it was time; time to go through some things mother has been asking me to go through for a month. So with many tears and happy memories flooding my brain I went through his closet. I put on his shirt and wiped my tears with his sleeve. There are many more closets and things to go through. I've made the first step and I think I'm up for the steps ahead. I love my dad, I miss my dad…
The following is what I wrote and said at his memorial service. Please be aware that when I wrote this I just wrote I didn't care about spelling and punctuation.
I always knew I would speak at Robins service. I spoke at my grandparents funerals and after doing that and feeling how healing it was I knew that when Robin passed I would say something. But a couple months ago Robin wrote me and asked "Once I'm gone I'd be proud for you to stand up for me with a kind word." Oh the pressure! Since that day I’ve tried in my head to write something over and over again. My thought was that i would write it and share it with him. I wanted him to know how important he was in my life. It seems we save a lot of our sentiment for when people are gone and I just wanted him to know before. Well as I sit here now the day before his service to write this on paper I obviously didn’t get it done. It’s not to say that Robin didn’t know how I felt. I wrote him a lot over the last few months and shared my thoughts about him. We often wrote it because for both of us it was too difficult to say, neither of us is comfortable with that type of thing. He knew how much I loved him and I KNOW how much he loves me.
Robin Ray Hyder was born of a Virgin Father in the fall of 1946 four months after my mothers birth. Which forever brought him great joy that he was younger than mother. He came into our lives when I was in the third grade I won’t say the year because it’s so long ago I can’t remember. HE was sooo cool with his thick dark mustache and his t-top black trans am. I often likened him to Burt Reynolds Smokey and the Bandit to which he would gasp Piffle!
When I was in the 4th grade we all moved together to a home in Beaverton and the year after that we moved once again. In that home my parents where married and i took Robins last name. There is an old adage that you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Well, Robin picked us and we were family
Robin was never Dad unless I was speaking about him to someone else. He was never father because he always said I had a father. But I tell you here and now and for those who know me well, HE IS MY DAD and HE IS my FATHER. He was a constant in my life of love acceptance protector confidant friend fan well the list could go on and on. He Loved Me unconditionally like any good father does. They say that fathers and daughters have a special relationship and I tell you that was so true of Robin and I.
I loved to camp, fish and shoot with Robin. When I was young it was something that we did together just him and I. It was our time. We would meet up with his friends who called him Bird and anything that happened while camping or fishing... well lets just say what happens in the middle of nowhere stays in the middle of nowhere.
Robin was stubborn up to the end. He was opinionated and his opinion was final. arguing with Robin was always thought to be a waste of time. But I tell you, he thought about things and his rigidness over the years softened but if he said that was it, be assured it was.
He loved my mother whom he called Jean for years which later turned to mom and finally grandma. He loved my mother more than I can fully express and to his dying day worked so that she would be okay. Robin was a true gentleman who always opened the doors for her and would often leave love notes on the board in the kitchen. His notes and letters most often ended with Love you 2000 pounds.
He called me pumpkin seed when I was off to bed or leaving for more than a day. One of my most treasured possessions is a stuffed dog he gave me in the 4th grade. He was the most generous human and did things for people he didn’t speak of much but one I will share with you is that every year around this time of year he would fill up his tank with gas and look around the station for a person who looked like they needed a hand. He would then go and buy them a tank of gas. He always said it wasn’t much but maybe it would free up a couple bucks to get a christmas present under their tree. Pretty funny for a guy who proclaimed he hated Christmas.
He loves his grandchildren and his awkwardness with new borns was priceless. I think Ethan was the first and only diaper he ever changed. He was thrilled to have three more enter into his life with Amanda Kristie and Ryan. When Claire showed up his eyes twinkled and for the first time he reached out for a new born baby and wanted to hold her, he’d done it before and now couldn’t wait to do it again. He loved Tara and he indulged her every want.
Robin was not a religious man and he would probably be somewhat peeved that we are all here today sitting in a church. But on the other hand he did believe and he knew that in the last few years being in this place brought me comfort so I don’t think he really minds to much and probably is happy to have us here today. You see Robin wanted what was best for us, Always what was best for us. He went without to make sure we had the best. And even if he didn’t necessarily agree if it made us happy he was all for it. A great example of that in my life is Samantha. and to be very clear he loved her not only because I love her but because he respected her and that is an amazing most precious gift.
Robins life wasn’t the easiest but he always saw the silver lining. He had regrets, none greater than the time he missed with his daughter Rhonda. Robin was asstranged from his family in his young life but was very pleased to rekindle his relationships with his dad and brother later in life. He did things in his life he wasn’t too proud of but he did his best to make restitution in his later years. Robin was Honest to the core. If he didn’t believe it he wouldn’t say it, that didn’t mean that everything he said was kind but it was true.
Robin loved to have you visit. and it was always so funny to me because he didn’t talk much until you were ready to go. When I would say goodnight and start to head for bed that’s when he’d pipe up I’d end up standing in the hall for another 20 minutes then I’d make my way to the stairs and be up about two steps for another 20 minutes then halfway up for another 20... it was the same when I had a home of my own. To the hall for 20 minutes the porch for 20 at my car door for 20 and even in my car for 20. He just didn’t want you to leave. He was happy knowing you were just there... Well Robin, I want another 60 minutes another two weeks I want to tell you how gosh darn much I love you How much you mean to me I want to kiss you on the cheek and tell you I’ll see you later I want to know that you will be right there waiting for me and I guess, you are I’m sure you’ve got the best spot all staked out... I just hope you did it in the daylight because sleeping on a slope doesn’t work too good. I love you 2000 pounds and I’ll see ya later.
Peace,
Kim
So here we are just over two months later. Today was the first time since Christmas that I went to my parents house. As I turned the corner, I felt the tears start to form. The thought of walking in and not seeing him in his chair has been more than I could manage.
I let myself in at 6:30am and walked passed his spot. The spot where his chair used to sit. The spot where he sat for years and watched sports and hunting shows. The spot he took his last breath. I hurried to the back of the house where my mother was still in bed. We chatted for a while and then it was time; time to go through some things mother has been asking me to go through for a month. So with many tears and happy memories flooding my brain I went through his closet. I put on his shirt and wiped my tears with his sleeve. There are many more closets and things to go through. I've made the first step and I think I'm up for the steps ahead. I love my dad, I miss my dad…
The following is what I wrote and said at his memorial service. Please be aware that when I wrote this I just wrote I didn't care about spelling and punctuation.
I always knew I would speak at Robins service. I spoke at my grandparents funerals and after doing that and feeling how healing it was I knew that when Robin passed I would say something. But a couple months ago Robin wrote me and asked "Once I'm gone I'd be proud for you to stand up for me with a kind word." Oh the pressure! Since that day I’ve tried in my head to write something over and over again. My thought was that i would write it and share it with him. I wanted him to know how important he was in my life. It seems we save a lot of our sentiment for when people are gone and I just wanted him to know before. Well as I sit here now the day before his service to write this on paper I obviously didn’t get it done. It’s not to say that Robin didn’t know how I felt. I wrote him a lot over the last few months and shared my thoughts about him. We often wrote it because for both of us it was too difficult to say, neither of us is comfortable with that type of thing. He knew how much I loved him and I KNOW how much he loves me.
Robin Ray Hyder was born of a Virgin Father in the fall of 1946 four months after my mothers birth. Which forever brought him great joy that he was younger than mother. He came into our lives when I was in the third grade I won’t say the year because it’s so long ago I can’t remember. HE was sooo cool with his thick dark mustache and his t-top black trans am. I often likened him to Burt Reynolds Smokey and the Bandit to which he would gasp Piffle!
When I was in the 4th grade we all moved together to a home in Beaverton and the year after that we moved once again. In that home my parents where married and i took Robins last name. There is an old adage that you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Well, Robin picked us and we were family
Robin was never Dad unless I was speaking about him to someone else. He was never father because he always said I had a father. But I tell you here and now and for those who know me well, HE IS MY DAD and HE IS my FATHER. He was a constant in my life of love acceptance protector confidant friend fan well the list could go on and on. He Loved Me unconditionally like any good father does. They say that fathers and daughters have a special relationship and I tell you that was so true of Robin and I.
I loved to camp, fish and shoot with Robin. When I was young it was something that we did together just him and I. It was our time. We would meet up with his friends who called him Bird and anything that happened while camping or fishing... well lets just say what happens in the middle of nowhere stays in the middle of nowhere.
Robin was stubborn up to the end. He was opinionated and his opinion was final. arguing with Robin was always thought to be a waste of time. But I tell you, he thought about things and his rigidness over the years softened but if he said that was it, be assured it was.
He loved my mother whom he called Jean for years which later turned to mom and finally grandma. He loved my mother more than I can fully express and to his dying day worked so that she would be okay. Robin was a true gentleman who always opened the doors for her and would often leave love notes on the board in the kitchen. His notes and letters most often ended with Love you 2000 pounds.
He called me pumpkin seed when I was off to bed or leaving for more than a day. One of my most treasured possessions is a stuffed dog he gave me in the 4th grade. He was the most generous human and did things for people he didn’t speak of much but one I will share with you is that every year around this time of year he would fill up his tank with gas and look around the station for a person who looked like they needed a hand. He would then go and buy them a tank of gas. He always said it wasn’t much but maybe it would free up a couple bucks to get a christmas present under their tree. Pretty funny for a guy who proclaimed he hated Christmas.
He loves his grandchildren and his awkwardness with new borns was priceless. I think Ethan was the first and only diaper he ever changed. He was thrilled to have three more enter into his life with Amanda Kristie and Ryan. When Claire showed up his eyes twinkled and for the first time he reached out for a new born baby and wanted to hold her, he’d done it before and now couldn’t wait to do it again. He loved Tara and he indulged her every want.
Robin was not a religious man and he would probably be somewhat peeved that we are all here today sitting in a church. But on the other hand he did believe and he knew that in the last few years being in this place brought me comfort so I don’t think he really minds to much and probably is happy to have us here today. You see Robin wanted what was best for us, Always what was best for us. He went without to make sure we had the best. And even if he didn’t necessarily agree if it made us happy he was all for it. A great example of that in my life is Samantha. and to be very clear he loved her not only because I love her but because he respected her and that is an amazing most precious gift.
Robins life wasn’t the easiest but he always saw the silver lining. He had regrets, none greater than the time he missed with his daughter Rhonda. Robin was asstranged from his family in his young life but was very pleased to rekindle his relationships with his dad and brother later in life. He did things in his life he wasn’t too proud of but he did his best to make restitution in his later years. Robin was Honest to the core. If he didn’t believe it he wouldn’t say it, that didn’t mean that everything he said was kind but it was true.
Robin loved to have you visit. and it was always so funny to me because he didn’t talk much until you were ready to go. When I would say goodnight and start to head for bed that’s when he’d pipe up I’d end up standing in the hall for another 20 minutes then I’d make my way to the stairs and be up about two steps for another 20 minutes then halfway up for another 20... it was the same when I had a home of my own. To the hall for 20 minutes the porch for 20 at my car door for 20 and even in my car for 20. He just didn’t want you to leave. He was happy knowing you were just there... Well Robin, I want another 60 minutes another two weeks I want to tell you how gosh darn much I love you How much you mean to me I want to kiss you on the cheek and tell you I’ll see you later I want to know that you will be right there waiting for me and I guess, you are I’m sure you’ve got the best spot all staked out... I just hope you did it in the daylight because sleeping on a slope doesn’t work too good. I love you 2000 pounds and I’ll see ya later.
Peace,
Kim
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Gift of Hospitality
Hospitality: Simply, is the relationship between a host and guest. The reception of those who are guests, visitors and strangers. In more ancient times it was considered a duty, to care for and protect those who came into your home.
Today, I think we look on hospitality as a moment in time. A moment that we must smile, make polite conversation maybe offer drink and bread and then move along. We invite people we know into our homes, in the hopes of learning more about each other, strengthening our bonds.
What about the stranger and the visitor? How then do we make them feel welcomed? How do we bridge the gap of our comfort levels and their need to feel accepted? It strikes me how different things are now compared to even 30 years ago. We are skeptical. We are standoffish, shy and even fearful. In a world of “stranger danger” how are we to truly feel comfortable in allowing strangers in?
I remember being a young girl living in a small eastern Oregon town. A place where it is said every one knows everyone. Even though this isn’t an actual fact, you don’t really know EVERYONE. There was a feeling of community of hospitality. If a stranger was stranded on the side of the road you would stop and assist them. There wasn’t a real fear that they may actually be setting up a scam or have friends in the bushes waiting to pounce you. Today, this is what we expect. We are aware that that person saying they need help may actually be a criminal and will in fact hurt you.
So, where does this leave us. Not just as individuals but as a community and more importantly as a church community? We need to step back and look at what “the church” has done to hospitality. For those who are divorced, poor, gay etc. “the church” has been unkind and unwelcoming. Even if you and your church have been open and accepting, you have to remember that the long perceived notion is that faith based communities are not. It is a struggle to break the mold and really be a Welcoming, Hospitable community. We need to remember that when a stranger comes to our Church home we need to care for and protect them. We need to remember that they are waiting for the shoe to drop and the daggers to fly. That their walls of protection will be up against us, even though they seek their refuge in us.
It’s interesting to me, the challenges we face as a faith community. Creator Lutheran, my home church, adopted an All Are Welcome approach a couple years ago now. I believe that these are not just words but a true representation of our feeling as an open congregation. Even with that it’s difficult for some to break out of their personal comfort zones and be truly hospitable. It’s difficult for me.
I think when you break down the community and remember that we are all just individuals sharing the same church home it can become a bit overwhelming. Who is our leader in this? Who did we decide would be our spokesperson, our hospitable leader? The answer is, no one. The answer is, every one!
In 1 Peter 4:8-10 it is said, “Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received.” To me this is a beginning, a realization that I need not be the one with the chipper smile and a big “hello, welcome”. This may or may not be my “gift”. The real work is to find your “gift” and to share it. Share it with the ones you know and whom already love you. Maybe more importantly share it with the one who has no knowledge of you. Share it with the one who is seeking to belong, seeking love and acceptance, seeking grace.
Find your gift! Express your gift! Share your gift!
Peace,
Kim
Today, I think we look on hospitality as a moment in time. A moment that we must smile, make polite conversation maybe offer drink and bread and then move along. We invite people we know into our homes, in the hopes of learning more about each other, strengthening our bonds.
What about the stranger and the visitor? How then do we make them feel welcomed? How do we bridge the gap of our comfort levels and their need to feel accepted? It strikes me how different things are now compared to even 30 years ago. We are skeptical. We are standoffish, shy and even fearful. In a world of “stranger danger” how are we to truly feel comfortable in allowing strangers in?
I remember being a young girl living in a small eastern Oregon town. A place where it is said every one knows everyone. Even though this isn’t an actual fact, you don’t really know EVERYONE. There was a feeling of community of hospitality. If a stranger was stranded on the side of the road you would stop and assist them. There wasn’t a real fear that they may actually be setting up a scam or have friends in the bushes waiting to pounce you. Today, this is what we expect. We are aware that that person saying they need help may actually be a criminal and will in fact hurt you.
So, where does this leave us. Not just as individuals but as a community and more importantly as a church community? We need to step back and look at what “the church” has done to hospitality. For those who are divorced, poor, gay etc. “the church” has been unkind and unwelcoming. Even if you and your church have been open and accepting, you have to remember that the long perceived notion is that faith based communities are not. It is a struggle to break the mold and really be a Welcoming, Hospitable community. We need to remember that when a stranger comes to our Church home we need to care for and protect them. We need to remember that they are waiting for the shoe to drop and the daggers to fly. That their walls of protection will be up against us, even though they seek their refuge in us.
It’s interesting to me, the challenges we face as a faith community. Creator Lutheran, my home church, adopted an All Are Welcome approach a couple years ago now. I believe that these are not just words but a true representation of our feeling as an open congregation. Even with that it’s difficult for some to break out of their personal comfort zones and be truly hospitable. It’s difficult for me.
I think when you break down the community and remember that we are all just individuals sharing the same church home it can become a bit overwhelming. Who is our leader in this? Who did we decide would be our spokesperson, our hospitable leader? The answer is, no one. The answer is, every one!
In 1 Peter 4:8-10 it is said, “Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaining. Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received.” To me this is a beginning, a realization that I need not be the one with the chipper smile and a big “hello, welcome”. This may or may not be my “gift”. The real work is to find your “gift” and to share it. Share it with the ones you know and whom already love you. Maybe more importantly share it with the one who has no knowledge of you. Share it with the one who is seeking to belong, seeking love and acceptance, seeking grace.
Find your gift! Express your gift! Share your gift!
Peace,
Kim
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)